Change Is For The Faint of Heart. Reflections On “Your Future Self Will Thank You”
When was the last time you successfully changed? You know what needs to happen, but you can’t seem to get it together. It feels like someone else is pulling the levers while you play catch with sandbags. Drew Dyck helps those like him, me, and you untangle the unseen obstacles to quitting bad habits and creating new ones. Ones you want to keep, but can’t seem to see it through. His refreshing tone, humor, and practical guidance is a needed tool for anyone looking to combine habit formation and spiritual disciplines. If we were measured in willpower, most of us would not make it out the garage. This book helps get more power to the rear wheels. Below are three reflections on how I put this book to use and so can you.
Willpower is a limited resource.
The bad news is that your willpower is limited. Once you’ve used your willpower portion of the day, your ability to overcome resistance diminishes and it’s sayonara to habit change.
The good news is that you can build your willpower like a muscle. Start small and treat it like your learning to do pull-ups. Lower your expectations of how much you can change at one time. Start on one habit at a time, but definitely start. The best way to start doing pull ups is, well, to start doing pull-ups. One per day is a great start if that’s all you can do. Start small, smaller than you think and start building your willpower biceps. It’s only going to get harder the longer you wait.
Willpower is best used if it’s thoughtfully expended in the areas that require more strength. This is helpful in two ways.
First, use willpower for the things that do most good first. Perhaps at the beginning of the day you should do the things that are most important, but not necessarily the most time consuming. It might be that you choose one habit to focus your willpower on before it depletes.
Second, knowing willpower is a limited resource can help avoid leaving negative habits to the will when it’s the weakest. An example of how I use this principle is by rarely keeping alcohol stocked at home. It’s not that I’m against drinking, or that I don’t want to enjoy a Velvet Hammer on occasion. It’s that I know if it’s always available, I can use alcohol to escape when my willpower is weakest rather than planning to enjoy a drink when it will be most beneficial… usually with others.
Understanding that willpower is a limited resource that can be developed is half the battle. Use it wisely and know your limits. Avoid situations that require willpower when you know it’s been depleted and your habits will be more easily bent in the direction you want.
Replace a bad habit with good one.
Dyck explains how to spot a trigger that sets a bad habit into motion. Understanding these triggers makes it much easier to know where and when to insert a divergent course of action. Have you ever tried to quit something cold turkey? It seems nearly impossible. Why? One of the reasons is because we don’t replace the bad habit with a good one in the right way, at the right time. I used this method to stop using tobacco. It’s a powerful enemy to nasty habits.
I have already seen the benefits of this one work in my own life. My wife works night shifts a few times a week at the hospital. These nights can be good because I get some time to work on projects or relax in my own way. But they are also lurking with additional temptation. I can have an extra beer, stay up late, or watch a more seedy movie than normal. It got to the point where these nights were met with dread rather than delight. I hated fighting each of these nights for self-control. Sometimes I would win, but sometimes I wouldn’t.
I began implementing the practice of replacing a bad habit with a good one. So now, after putting the kiddo to bed I have to do one spiritual exercise before enjoying the rest of the evening. It can be reading, writing, listening to a sermon or book, or even watching a biblical documentary… whatever suits the mood of the night. But it has to focus my mind on God. Relying on my already depleted willpower at the end of the day drastically diminished. It’s surprising how quickly this technique can make your willpower feel more like robocop and less like tinman.
It is much easier to follow through on evening activities once my trajectory shifts by focusing on God. The fun part is that I can choose any activity I want that will put my mind on pursuing God. The only rule is that I can’t do anything else until I do this one good habit. The rest of night falls into place more naturally and now I look forward to these nights of meaningful productivity.
I highly recommend replacing a bad habit with a good one.
Grace and striving are not opposites.
There is an unfortunate dichotomy that happens when well meaning messages teach on either grace or sanctification. Some seem to say that receiving grace means any striving will lead to legalism. Others seem to say that if you are not striving to kill sin, then you have a cheap version of grace. Neither option does justice for understanding how salvation through grace is held in tension with our role in sanctification.
Running back to grace then forward in practice are both wrapped with God’s abundant grace.
Striving is not the opposite of grace. In fact, it should motivate you to put the bad habits to death because of the kindness God has extended. Just because something is difficult, does not mean you have a bad theology of grace which leads you to believe your own works can save you. Keep striving! Only remember your right standing is not something you did, but God did on your behalf. Your ability to strive will be a testament to the grace you have received.
God has forgiven every time I fail, screw up, or even fail to try. Every failed attempt God knew about before hand and was willing to take the ultimate consequences on Himself. Basically, I’m free to fail. And when I do fail, it is not a lack faith. It means I trusted God to let me try to walk toward Him according to his ways.
Much of the time changing a habit is too daunting of a task to take on with fervent effort. Failures are going to happen. Grace doesn’t excuse them, rather grace gives you the opportunity to try again without regard for the past.
This prayerful practice will help start your habit formation in the right direction. Adapt it in a way that makes sense to your own mental models. There are many more great spiritual and practical steps in the book. Don’t wait to get everything in order, just get started. You know which habit to start on. Just get started… your future self will thank you.
Overall, the book is helpful and fun to read. It’s faithful theology and practical advice is valuable for those creating good habits which lead to a flourishing life.
Best Praxis,
Jordan
Click the link below for the Amazon page. I hope you find it helpful.