Twelve Couple Conversation Starters
The Praxis Principle: Covenant Love in Marriage
Stacie and I hit our first rough patch when my insecurities began to show during our dating phase. I realized how much I liked her and feared getting hurt. So, I made a dumb move—I told her we needed to go on a break to mitigate risk. I wanted to test the waters to see how easily she would scare.
Growing up in a broken home was all I knew; my earliest memories are post-divorce. I needed someone who would stick around, even if I pushed them away.
Stacie's response floored me. She told me to take all the time I needed and assured me she'd be there when I was ready. Eleven years and three kids later, her commitment has continued.
That was exactly what I needed to hear. Like medicine for a sick heart, I came running back the next day. It might have been the shortest break in dating history.
Some of you need to hear the same words from your spouse, and some of you need to say those words.
The bedrock of marriage is a covenant. Whether rich or poor, sick or healthy, I will love you until death parts us.
The Bible describes God’s love for His people using the Hebrew word hesed. Sometimes, it’s translated as lovingkindness and other times, as loyal love. It’s God’s tender yet immovable pursuit of you. Loyal to His word, God will never leave.
Before you start your couple conversations, spend some time in prayer reflecting on God’s hesed. Think about how Christ endured suffering on your behalf so that you might be counted as perfect without error.
Then, in your own creative way, talk to your spouse about how you intend to model God’s loyal love and lovingkindness in your marriage.
Find your “I’ll never let go, Jack” moment.
It’s a pretty nice day,
Jordan McKinney
1. Spiritual Connection and Closesness
When have you felt closest to God?
What activities or experiences brought about that sense of closeness?
How can you incorporate those activities or experiences into your plans this year?
What are two spiritual practices or rituals you would like to start together?
2. Communication and Emotional Connection
When was the last time you truly felt heard and understood by your partner?
What hesitations do you feel or have that are currently preventing open communication?
How can you create a space for sharing emotions and vulnerabilities?
Are there any unresolved issues that need to be addressed for better emotional connection to be possible?
3. Quality Time and Date Nights
Describe a time when you felt the most connected during a date night or quality time together.
What made that particular date night special?
How can you prioritize regular date nights or quality time in your schedule?
Make a list of ten different kinds of dates/quality time occasions that you can take turns picking throughout the year.
4. Physical Intimacy and Affection
When have you felt the most loved and desired by your partner?
What barriers or challenges do you face in expressing physical affection?
What behaviors need to be added or removed in order to maintain a more intimate and romantic atmosphere that is reliable from week to week?
Are there any specific ways you'd like to show affection to each other?
5. Shared Goals and Dreams
Can you recall a situation when you both felt excited and aligned with each other's goals and dreams?
What aspirations or dreams do you still have as a couple?
How can you support each other in achieving those goals?
Are any compromises or adjustments needed to align your visions for the future?
6. Gratitude and Appreciation
Reflect on a moment when you felt deeply appreciated and valued by your partner.
How can you express gratitude and appreciation for each other daily?
What specific qualities or actions of your partner do you admire and cherish?
Do you want to revive or recreate any past gestures of appreciation?
7. Forgiveness and Healing
Think back to when you both experienced healing and reconciliation after a conflict or misunderstanding.
How can you practice forgiveness and extend grace to each other in your relationship?
What steps can you take to address any lingering hurts or resentments?
Can you utilize any communication techniques or resources to navigate conflicts more effectively?
8. Shared Values and Beliefs
Recall a moment when you felt united in your shared values and beliefs.
What core values do you both prioritize in your marriage?
How can you reinforce those values and integrate them into your daily lives?
Are there any areas where your beliefs or values diverge, and how can you find common ground?
9. Supporting Each Other’s Growth
Describe when your partner supported and encouraged you to pursue personal growth and development.
What goals or interests do you have that you'd like support in?
How can you cultivate an environment that fosters growth and exploration for both of you?
Are there any specific ways you can offer encouragement and validation to each other?
10. Rekindling Romance and Spontaneity
Reflect on a moment when you both experienced a spontaneous and joyful connection.
How can you inject more fun and spontaneity into your relationship?
What activities or surprises would bring excitement and romance back into your marriage?
Do you want to start any traditions or rituals to keep the spark alive?
11. You in Ten Years
Think about yourself in 10 years. Describe the kind of person you hope to be.
What part(s) of you do you hope has improved?
What do you think is required for someone to get there?
How do you want your kids to describe you in 10 years?
12. You at Ten Years Old
Imagine you can talk to yourself as a 10-year-old. What would you say to that little boy or girl?
How would you encourage him to overcome a difficulty he is facing, and how things will turn out?
Why is it easier to be kind to a past version of ourselves but not the current version?
Now imagine your 10-year-old self is giving you advice; what would he say?